Busy week

This week has been a bit strange, had a number things that came up this week, but as a whole was pretty good.  Still not sleeping great, but better.  Sunday, our youth pastor shared about their adoption of a little girl who is hiv positive.  Heard that there maybe some people who will leave our church over this, don'e know who or how many, or if it is just rumor.  but do know that if it is true, I would not want to stand in front of Jesus having taken that stand. As my kids use to say " Thats just wrong".  Jesus said that if you do it to the least of these, you do it to Me and to My father. Hope that this comes to nothing.  Sunday morning was nearly in tears, as we sang "Since Jesus came into my heart".  I remember very well a Sunday morning 41years ago ( Sept.13, 1970) that we sang that song I could not get the words to come from my mouth.  I could not sing something that had yet not happen in my life.  Today I can sing it, but it still brings back memories of that day. It will always have a special place in my life.  I made a list of the songs to sing at my funeral, it is in my Bible, there are four of them, Jesus Saves, At Calvary, Since Jesus came into my Heart, and Satisfied.  It has been almost a year since we cut out TV, have missed it a few times, spent one Saturday afternoon at the fire station just so I could watch the Army-Navy game, but other than that, have not missed it much. We get some strange looks when we tell people, like what are you some kind of a nut! But the 60+ dollars that it costs, are better used in other places. That amount will support an african pastor for half a month.  I think that will do me more good than watch "Jersey Shore".  I do check the internet for news so have a little idea of what is going on in the world.  Still have my two firefighters trying to deal with their personal problems.  It is starting to effect moral in the rest of the department.  The one has lied to me at lest a half dozen times in the past few weeks, about where he is living, what he is doing, and that there is nothing going on with the other guys wife.  Wish they both would resign.  Later this week received news that the whole department may have been exposed to scabies.  Didn't know much about it, and what with HIPA rules they can't tell who, so had to tell everyone to watch for it.  I think from what I read, its worst than head lice, but not as bad as some other parasite infestations.  No one told me about this part of the job.  Have a class to  teach tomorrow along with another firefighter, than taking the family from across the road to a dinner theater at church.  Wife knows them better then I do, but will be chance to get to know them.  Have spent a lot of time this week thinking about department personal, how can I better serve them as chief,  thought I might have lunch with each one over the course of the year, and pick their brain so to speak.  Since my daughter move out of state, have not had a regular lunch buddy so to speak.  Really miss having lunch with her.  Guess I really just miss having my kids close.  With have of them 5-12 hours away, am very greatful for the ones that I do get to see a little more often.  As I have gotten older, I think I have gotten a little soft,  maybe it is just living with a person who is VERY senisitive to people and their needs.  But, now I find my self think of them, spending time just sitting and dwelling on the times we had together,  and praying for them.  Had just one run this week, a medical assist tonight, had toput the guy in  a stokes basket and put that in the back of the sheriffs pickup truck to get him out to where the ambulance was parked.  Well, need to look over the material for class tomorrow. 

Hectic week

What a week last week was,  had a lot of heavy stuff to do, most of which I didn't look forward to.  On account of the different things, did not sleep well.  Hopefully, that will improve this week.  Had an executive board meeting with the fire department and had to make some diecsion on several firefighters  who are having personal problems, but because of those are in violation of department rules.  My quick guess is that I will lose two of them, and maybe all three.  If that happens, I will get a very big load of work dumped in my lap, work that needs to be done, but for which I don't have the time.  The sad part is that this firefighter didn't have to be part of the problem, but rather chose to be in my opinion.  As I look at it, I see a continued pattern of poor choices. The biggest one that I see is that he is less than honest about his actions.  Had training two nights this week, and that went well I think.  So my first fears about this did not materialize, but we still have along way to go.  Had a meeting with the Pastor on Saturday morning,  good meeting, but never like to talk to him about the church.  Just doesn't seem right for me to tell him what I feel,  but felt that it needed to be done.  I think I would rather do just about anything than that..  Sunday, our youth pastor shared about how God is leading them into another adoption, this time a little girl from SOuth America.  She has some phyiscal problems and he and the board felt that the church as a whole needed to know.  I guess because I deal in emergency service and have annual blood borne refreshers (as required by law) I didn't think it was that big a deal, but I guess for some people having a little girl who is HIV positive in the nursery and childerns church is something they will need to deal with.  I really honor Ryan and Stacey for doing that and look forward to the day she is in my sunday school class.  Have been thinking a lot about how we (Realy me) so often need to point out differences from ourselves in our description of people.  I still find myself saying that my sons are from another country and another racial group then myself.  Why should that matter?  They are all created in the image of God. He makes no such distinctions, and in fact admonishes us for doing it.  I have made it a conscience effort of late to not do anything like that.  They are people, pure and simple and unless someother description is needed for clairifaction, I will avoid using any term that would single them out for special attention, wither good or bad.   Hopefully, this week will go better, have a doctors appoint this week but other than that just go to work.  Need to get started on my year end report for the district, as several of our other firefighters who need to do reports have already submitted theirs. 

Start of the week,

Will it is Sunday afternoon, finished up some training drills, finally got about 25-30 that should hold for a while, tomorrow night we start something new at training, it will require that my Lt. do a little planning and fore thought before they get to the meeting.  I think it will take 6-8 months of the new schedule for us to see if it is working.  If it doesn't work, I am at a complete loss to find a way to get done what needs to be done.  Hit this spot with another department about 18 months ago, and finally left,  my usefulness had hit the wall.  They seem to be doing okay, though they went through some real rough spots.  My car is still in the shop, has a problem maintaining oil pressure when the engine gets hot.  Could be oil pump or bearings, I think neither one sounds good.  Time will tell.  Had hoped to have heard from a couple people this week, but didn't, kind of a bummer. Patience is not one of my strong points. Work this week will be a change, have to go see one of my more demanding customers.  He is always changing his mind,  that is his right, but we can't change gears as fast supply wise as he can.  Have to go to school tomorrow for fire prevention with the 2nd. grade.  This is maybe why I am still on the department, absolutely love those kids, even if last years class cost me over $400 for pizza.  They are like little sponges, and I don't have to watch what I say in regard to them.  Don't need to be politically correct.  Need to make a few calls yet this afternoon so I guess I will close this rambling.  After tomorrow night may have a whole lot more to ramble about.

Early morning call

Monday morning we were toned out for an assist to Ferry Twp. Fire on a house fire.  Hesperia was second due so we were third in.  We were short manpower big time, only had five guys and that included me. Luck for us they didn't need a lot of water, our tanker dumped once.  Deputy chief, lieutenant and one firefighter made up our contribution in manpower.  I was sort of a gopher, we already had 2 chiefs and 1 assistant on the scene by the time we got there. Spent the better part of an hour overhauling, extinguishing and looking for a possible victim.  One man was missing and we all thought he was in the building as did his family.  At a while he was found asleep in the camper on the back of the property.  There had been a family situation and his wife and kids had spent the night at family members, he had stayed home. No sure as to cause, but glad he was okay, but sure would have liked him to have come forward.  Would have saved us a lot of time.  It was -4 at the time we got the call, and everything was freezing at the scene.  Only guys who had a job that didn't get them froze were the tanker drivers.  My fingers were froze and thankfully, as I hooked up floodlights, I could put my hands and fingers by the generator exhaust and warm them up.  Keep thinking maybe time to retire.  My car, the one I use for fire calls is acting up, so tomorrow it goes to the shop.  Hopefully, we won't get any calls while it is down, because my wife's van doesn't have a light bar or siren.  So I will be one slow chief if we get a call in the next day or two.  Hopefully, it won't be anything major. Had officers meeting tonight, and while I usually look forward to these, tonight, I would have just as soon stayed home.  Heart was difinitely not in it tonight. 

Sunday afternoono

Had a great day at church, we have been doing a class on our spiritual gifts, and I thought I know what mine was, well after several different tests and such, have come to the conclusion that none of what I have is that clearly defined,  I didn't score high in anything.  To look at my chart, its almost a flat line, my personality trait is also the same, no dominate character.  My wife says that means I can a lot of different things, I said it is like the utility player on a ball team.  Can do the job until we fine someone better and more gifted.  I said I was like an insurance policy, has got you covered but you hope you never need it.  I don't know why this is bothering me so much, but it is.  With the last couple years of wondering it I had wasted my life on the wrong things, you get to wondering if there is something else you should do.  But the way I read these tests and surveys, I am not really all that good at any one thing, and so I wonder would or could my gifts be used some better way, but with no strong gift or personality it doesn't seem that there would be much use for what I can do, when there is no doubt someone who can do it better.  Spent the afternoon trying to get stuff done for the department, but heart wasn't in it.  Came up with only about a dozen short (30-40 minute) training drills, had hoped I could get at least twice that many.  Have a board meeting this week, not sure what day, Monday, Tuesday or Thursday.  Need to be ready for Monday and hope for Thursday I guess.  Have a list a page long on things that I need to follow-up on with other people, but for the most part I e-mail questions and don't get a response. Only Robin, Carol and Warren seem to get back to me with in a reasonable time,  I know that we all have other lives, and since I have no life as one person put it (no tv, don't fish, hunting, play golf or other sports, just work, FD and church) I have too much time to think and that just isn't what they are all about.  I get that, but still need to get the work that you have said you would do done in a timely manner.  Should have cleaned the officer this afternoon, but didn't.  Did try and organize my week, and that does look pretty good.  Will see how that goes. 

Follow-up

Had a talk with my firefighter B today, he is NOT living with the other guy's wife, so that is good.  He said there is nothing going on, and part of me believes him.  But if nothing is going on with the other guys wife, then my firefighter is really dumb, as just about everything he had done makes it look like there is something going on.  Told him that the next few months will let us all know wither what he told me is true, and just a big lie.  I have gotten more stories from this guy in four years then all the other firefighters put together in 20+ years.  Right now, he says he is living outside the area, and as such I should give him 30 days to move back in, but didn't do that.  Will wait to see what develops on the other front in the next 3-4 weeks time before we revisit that item.  This guy wants to be an officer, but has on so many occasions used such poor judgement that there is no way he can be an officer.  As we talked, he became very clear that he had put no thought into any of his actions.  His response was that maybe I care to much for people.  I told you don't care too much, but rather you don't think about the fall out from you actions before you do them.  I don't think that our talk had any effect on him.  I don't think I have every been as frustrated with a conversation with anyone as I was today with him.  Part of his problem is he doesn't see a problem, and part is the flawed value system that he has and that he lives by.  Because of it, even if he is right on this one, and I told him if he is exonerated, I will give him a public apology,  he is going to keep on making the same mistakes time after time. 

People

Have spent much of this week, dealing with a problem with a couple of my firefighters, it is a personal matter, some of which I can do nothing about, nor should I.  But when it effects the other members of the department, and when I have local businessmen asking me to stop by and visit with them, and they ask what the H is going on down there, it now becomes my problem.  Long story short, member A is having martial problems and his spouse files for divorce, member B, moves in with member A's estranged wife and now member A is thinking he should quit cause he can't work with member B.  These two guys were best friends 8 weeks ago.  This is the stuff of Jerry Springer.  Have thought long and hard about what can be done legally, and also what should be done to keep a sense at least of unity in the department and tried and save our good name in the community.  Had this problem a few years ago and it took about three years for the wounds to heal.  This one could take longer, and the worst part is I think I could lose not just the two people involved, but also several other members who have had enough of the crap like this.  I for one, think retiring is starting to look better.   Beside, it cold out now and who wants to go on a call in this weather.

Year end numbers.

Well, starting to run the year end numbers and they do not look good.  We had about the same number of calls in 2010 as we did in 2009.  Response from members dropped almost one firefighter.  For the major stuff, we averaged 8.6 which is one less then last  year.  For all calls, we dropped down to 6.5 firefighters per call also down a little more then one firefighter.  I don't think that the members are not responding if they are able, but do know that the activiated fire alarm calls have a lot of them going less then full speed, hoping some one gets on scene quickly and tells them it is a false trip. Can't hardly blame them, the local hospital has given us seven of those in 2010, and all but one came between 2300 and 0600. Even I don't want to leave a warm bed for those kind of calls.  The year dawns with some other personnal problems.  May lose a couple of guys with personal problems, and have another who seems to attract trouble with every turn.  Not much I can do about their personal problems, unless they affect their performance on the job.  Trying to get some planning done early this year and seem to be running into a lot of roadblocks.  Some from people who don't follow up on their jobs, and some from myself from a lack of motivation.  Find myself working for a while and then going off on a rabbit trail that has nothing to do with what I was doing.  Full time job is going okay, but have a lot of pressure from demanding people, some who think they are more important then anyone else. Sometimes I dream of just telling them off, walking out the door and never coming back.  But I won't as if would make it hard for those who will follow after me.  Time to call it a day,  hope the tones don't go tonight, it COLD and I have an early morning appointment.  But will bring the boots and pants in just in case.  Seldom get a call when I'm really prepared.

New Year

As I start a new year, I find myself at a crossroads of sort, I have just a few years to work at my present job, and then I need to find something to do, I can't find retirement in the Bible, my heart for the last few years has  been drawn to Africa, why I don't know.  What I do know is that for most of my life I have lived it for today.  Now, I wonder what will be said about my life when it is over.  What have Idone that amounts to something for eternity.   I see my children and grandchildren for the most part getting wrapped up in getting stuff.  We have the latest gadget, toy or electronic whatever,  and as I look at that  I see, what you pay for that every month would support an african pastor for a month.  My wife and I spent last Thursday evening with a awesome ( I know a very over used word) young lady who is a missionary to Zambia.  I found out about her from a letter she sent to our church.  For some reason I put it aside and keep going back to it. I e-mailed her and a few e-mails later, we had dinner with her.  She will be coming to our church in the fall, and I hope she brings her fiancce with her,  from what we hear and saw they will be a dynamic couple for the Lord.  They excite me, and at the same time make me wonder if I have for the most part wasted my life.   Have I turned a deaf ear to the Holy Spirit for so long that I have missed my chance.